Wednesday Whammies – “P Is For Plaxico”

OK, Giants fans. Are you ready for a new, weekly feature to keep you busy during this long, grueling offseason? Well, you’re getting one anyway. This week there were a few headlines that deserve to be addressed with the gloves off. That’s what this feature will deliver. I’m off to a late start so let’s get to it.

Brandon Jacobs, who doesn’t seem to have much control over his temper, or mouth at times, has been speaking to the media about the possibility of him not being back with the New York Giants. This, of course, was purely speculative on his part. He didn’t think that the front office would be able, or have the desire, to re-sign him, at the whopping salary that he commands, and Ahmad Bradshaw. GM Jerry Reese announced this week that the Giants had every intention of re-signing Jacobs and laughed at the notion of not having him on the roster for the 2011 season.

BJ was fined last year for tossing his helmet, started the season off by being confrontational with the media and ended the year on the same note by telling reporters, “F*** you all!” Now, I am a Jacobs fan. I would love to see him go over 1,000 yards this year and get rid of some of the frustration that he can no longer suppress. But the first step, is getting back to the Big Blue basics. With this damn lockout in place it is a bit trickier to do. Regardless, being a New York Giant means leading by example, displaying class on and off the field and keeping a sock in it. See Jacobs run. See Bradshaw run. See Jacobs and Bradshaw run.

Next up is the ridiculous notion of an abbreviated season, eight games to be exact. This to me is more of a slap in the face than no season at all. Oh yes, I would watch. But really, what would I be watching? 4-4 playoff contenders? Could anyone really take a half season Pro Bowl seriously? “You just played an eight game season. What are you going to do next?” To steal a quote from Woody Allen’s “Bananas” – “It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.” The eight game season alternative is nothing more than a way to keep the “money train” rolling. Anything less than a full season will bring disgrace down upon the game of football. Divvy up the money already. This is becoming obscene.

Finally, Plaxico Burress was released from prison this past Monday. Plax left Oneida Correctional Facility, which was his home for 20 months, adorning an easily recognizable red baseball cap with the letter “P” on the front. Most would assume that the hat was a Philadelphia Phillies cap. But you’d be..um…wrong..yeah yeah…that’s the ticket.

I am sure that Burress wasn’t at all upset that the New York Giants released him from his contract and that they had the audacity not to pay him millions of dollars to sit in the pokey for two years…wink wink. Clearly, he still has the same lack of common sense that he had which landed him in prison in the first place. Here are a few things that might help other athletes who are released from prison in the future:

1) Leave wearing memorabilia from the team that is most likely to hire you.
2) Don’t leave wearing the competition’s gear.
3) If you wear the competition’s clothing, make sure that they are going to hire you.

The third addendum might seem a bit redundant. However, it is reported that the Eagles ARE NOT interested in having him on their team – despite the bold statement he made by wearing a Philly hat. So, Plax, you’re a 33 year old receiver who hasn’t played a down of football in two years. You wear a Philadelphia baseball cap out of prison for all the world to see, including the New York Giants. The Eagles don’t want to hire you…and your contingency plan is? Way to alienate yourself bud! It looks like Burress just shot himself in the foot two years after shooting himself in the leg..but I still love ya Plax!