Trick or treat, New York Giants fans. Spooky SZN is here. It’s officially Halloween, and you know what that means — it’s time to compare grown men playing quarterback to candy bars. Duh.
The NFC East has seen a little bit of everything this season: a rookie revelation, a stat-sheet stuffer, a guy whose tush needs to be pushed, and an understandable second-year drop-off after one of the most impressive rookie seasons the league has seen in recent memory.
So in the spirit of the season, let’s go door to door and see which treat each NFC East quarterback drops into our bucket.
Every NFC East QB as Halloween candy
Dak Prescott (Cowboys)
Always looks the part until it matters.
Dak Prescott is like a 3 Musketeers bar — the marketing makes it sound like something really special, but when you finally unwrap it, it’s mostly fluff... I'm talking meaningless stats. Every year Cowboys fans convince themselves this is the one, that maybe this time it’ll taste like something better, something championship-worthy.
But it never does. It’s soft, predictable, and leaves you reaching for something else the moment the pressure’s on. There’s nothing wrong with a little nougat, but in a league full of Snickers and Reese’s, Prescott is the bar you forgot would fall short until it’s too late.
Jalen Hurts (Eagles)
The most polarizing “elite” quarterback in the league.
Jalen Hurts is the candy corn of the NFL — some people can’t get enough, but most are just pretending they like it because it's the thing to do. Sure, he’s flashy and dependable in his own way, but he’s definitely an acquired taste.
You respect the look, maybe even the effort, but after a while, you’re wondering why everyone keeps acting like it’s better than it really is. Like candy corn, Hurts isn’t going anywhere — but that doesn’t mean you have to enjoy having him around.
You really have to tush push the candy corn down to enjoy it.
Jaxson Dart (Giants)
The rookie who made Giants football fun again.
Related: It only took Jaxson Dart five games for the NFL to start turning against him
Jaxson Dart is a Twix bar — smooth, confident, and a little bit cocky in the best way. There’s a balance to his game that feels like left Twix versus right Twix — same flavor, different kind of aura.
Every week he pulls off something that makes you double-take, like, “Wait, we actually have a quarterback?” He’s not the old-school kind of candy you grew up on; he’s the one that makes you realize the classic might’ve just been reinvented.
Jayden Daniels (Commanders)
Sophomore slump? Unlikely. Still better than most.
Jayden Daniels is a Starburst — flashy, fun, and one of the better candies in the bag. His rookie season hit like the first bite of a pink one — unexpected and borderline addictive. He had everyone hooked instantly. But a year later, the flavor’s mellowed — even if it's just a bit.
Still good — think orange or yellow — still worth unwrapping, just not the overwhelming sugar rush it used to be. The 24-year-old is electric, no doubt about that, but that instant pop he came into the league with might not be as juicy as it was his rookie season.