New York Giants fans, get ready to enjoy the Dallas Cowboys’ latest trip on the coaching carousel. Dallas is searching for a new head coach after Jerry Jones decided to do… whatever that was with Mike McCarthy. And let’s be honest—this isn’t about finding the right guy for the job; it’s about Jerry making himself the star of the show.
The Cowboys haven’t won a Super Bowl since 1996 and haven’t been relevant since people were still using dial-up internet. Jones has a knack for hiring big names or “safe bets” that don’t exactly pan out, and Giants fans wouldn’t have it any other way. The dream here is for Jerry to hire someone who guarantees Dallas stays stuck in the mud while keeping the drama alive.
Here are four head coaching candidates Giants fans would love to see Jerry Jones hire to keep the Cowboys spinning their wheels.
Four head coaching candidates Giants fans would love to see in Dallas
(Names appear in alphabetical order by first name)
Bill Belichick, North Carolina HC
The thought of Bill Belichick coaching the Cowboys feels like satire. The man built a dynasty in New England, has more Super Bowl rings than Dallas has playoff wins since the '90s, and is now coaching college kids at UNC. Yet, picturing him swapping his signature hoodie for a Cowboys polo? That’s Jerry Jones’ dream after a few too many cocktails.
Belichick’s no-nonsense, robotic style would clash beautifully with Jerry’s need for control. Imagine Bill trying to stomach a “How ‘Bout Them Cowboys?” pep rally. He’d be back on his boat in a week. This pairing would be reality TV gold—two egos imploding while the Cowboys crumble on the field.
Deion Sanders, Colorado HC
If you thought Belichick and Jones would butt heads, imagine Coach Prime on the Cowboys sideline. Deion Sanders has been a sensation at Colorado, turning the Buffaloes into contenders and lighting up every media outlet in the process. But in the NFL? His “Prime Time” charisma might not hit the same with a locker room full of millionaires.
Jones would love the attention Sanders brings, but putting two spotlight-loving personalities together sounds like a recipe for disaster. Between Deion’s swagger and Jerry’s micromanaging, the Cowboys would become the NFL’s ultimate soap opera. The drama and inevitable on-field chaos would be a spectacle every week.
Mike Zimmer, Cowboys DC
Mike Zimmer might seem like a “safe” choice for Dallas, but that’s exactly why this hire would be a mistake. Zimmer’s last head coaching gig in Minnesota ended in mediocrity, finger-pointing, and a reputation for being stuck in the past. Promoting him now would be peak Cowboys logic.
Jerry loves a flashy move, and Zimmer isn’t that. His conservative style would clash with Jones’ big-market ambitions, turning Dallas into the NFL’s most predictable offense. Watching the Cowboys try to win with outdated ideas would be the kind of slow-motion comedy that never gets old.
Word on the street is he’s thinking about retirement. Jerry, lock him down before he follows through.
Ron Rivera, former Panthers/Washington HC
And finally, there’s Ron Rivera, or as he’s known, “Riverboat Ron”—though let’s be real, that riverboat hasn’t sailed in years. Rivera’s time in Washington was defined by safe decisions, uninspired play-calling, and an inability to adapt. Perfect for Jerry, right?
If the Cowboys handed Rivera the reins, it would be a gift. Dallas trying to outscore teams with a coach who punts on fourth-and-inches? That’s the kind of football disaster that keeps everyone else entertained. Rivera’s ultra-conservative style would drag Dallas into irrelevance faster than you can say “play it safe.”