I don't necessarily like to throw the word "rude" around lightly, but when I see something, I say something. Now, I'm not sitting here, insinuating now-Cleveland Browns head coach Todd Monken knows how much time I put into my custom images, but if he did, he'd possibly reconsider accepting the job and sign an offer to be the New York Giants' offensive coordinator instead.
To prepare for Monken's arrival, I put together what I felt like was an absolute fire graphic with a play on the Dunkin' Donuts slogan: "America runs on Dunkin." For those creative folks out there, you can probably already tell where I'm going with this, but for the poets that don't know it, I was going to parody with "Monken" instead of "Dunkin'."
You just can't pass up an opportunity like that. Unless you're Todd Monken, then apparently, that's exactly what you'd do. Once Adam Schefter reported the news that the former Ravens' OC was changing zip codes to Northeast Ohio, I couldn't help but throw it in his face all the super cool stuff we could have done together if he hadn’t made things complicated and come to New York:
I didn't want my custom graphic to go to waste -- but here's what Todd Monken is missing out on by passing on #Giants (hate to see it): https://t.co/YD7M6xXMsX pic.twitter.com/GLICJN7St6
— GMEN HQ (@GMENHQ) January 28, 2026
Todd Monken missed out on so more than just the Giants OC job by signing with the Browns
I mean, talk about putting the "offensive" in offensive coordinator, am I right? It's like he didn't even think about me or my feelings before he signed with the Browns. And not to get too corporate here, but it's obvious he's a Starbucks guy. But I digress.
At the end of the day, you can't fault the soon-to-be 60-year-old for wanting to work with a Pro Bowl-caliber quarterback like Shedeur Sanders, but the thought of us working together -- I couldn't be speaking more loosely when I say that -- could have fed families.
Related: Todd Monken fallout has Giants fans staring at a total nightmare OC scenario
There were limitless images we could have run with. I'm talking play-on graphics with slam-dunks, things getting sunk, liquids being drunk, and seasonal plays when everything goes pump...kin. What could have been.
Now he's getting his first NFL head coaching gig after being around football for 37 years. Better late than never. Even though he's left me personally stranded, I do wish him the best. I hope he can find the creative outlet he needs in Cleveland, the creative capital of the... Northeast Ohio.