If there’s one thing New York Giants fans can agree on, it’s that life is better when the Dallas Cowboys put their feet in their mouths. From ownership to players to fans, when America’s Team is down, Big Blue is there to kick. And the legs are getting tired.
This offseason has been a nightmare for the Cowboys. DeMarcus Lawrence is gone. Jerry Jones has torpedoed extension talks with star pass rusher Micah Parsons. And the cherry on top? Jones publicly criticized Trevon Diggs’ rehab, then pulled the lever on his de-escalator clause, docking him $500K in pay. It's been a masterclass in dysfunction.
Related: If Giants fans had a nickel for every Jerry Jones fiasco they’d own the Cowboys
Things have only gotten worse. Lawrence is dominating Seahawks training camp. Parsons isn't any closer to a new deal. Diggs has openly admitted he was hurt by Jones' decision. Overall, it feels like a miserable time in Jerry's World... but no one spins the dysfunction quite like Jerry and the Cowboys. And it didn't take long for new head coach Brian Schottenheimer to dive headfirst into the tornado.
Brian Schottenheimer is the living embodiment of the "this is fine" meme
The first-time HC spoke about the identity Dallas will have underneath his leadership, and it's safe to say he's been living under a rock:
“We’re gonna have fun and we’re gonna work. You can do both. In 1985, maybe people thought you couldn’t do both. But we can. And we’ve proved that. We’re gonna prove that when you see us win a lot of football games,” Schottenheimer told the media.
Uhhh, okay, Brian. Welcome back to planet Earth, I guess? The last time the Cowboys worked hard and had fun simultaneously was 1995. Even fast-forward 30 years, you can confidently say things are fun? Can someone check on Schotty? Blink twice if you're under duress.
In light of all that's going on around the organization, this "let's have fun and work hard" vibe feels pretty tone-deaf and massively forced. Giants fans would love to know how much fun Parsons and Diggs are having right now. And while I'm sure they'd love to work hard, Jerry won't pay Parsons to do so, and Diggs is too busy monitoring his bank account for withdrawals.
But other than that, so many good times and hard work.
Maybe Schottenheimer actually believes this is the kind of culture that builds winners. Maybe he’s just saying what Jerry wants to hear (sounds like Jerry). Either way, this whole thing feels like a team trying to convince itself everything’s fine while the whole thing is imploding.
Good luck to the fish.