NFL Predictions Week 5: ESPN says…Giants are KING!

While the playoff race has begun in the MLB, football season has only just begun. This week we embark on the 2nd quarter of the 2011 NFL season. We’re beginning to see who’s hot and who’s…well…pretty damn awful. Those of you who tune into religiously have extra insight into each upcoming week of football before they happen.

Not only do we tap into the prize picking panel at ESPN to see who they favor each week, but the higher ups at have a unique extraction method that involves electrodes, Justin Bieber music and a plumbing snake, which is what brings you, our readers, my weekly predictions right here at So, let’s take a look at how ESPN did last week, how I did and our collective predictions for Week 5. Quickly, I can’t take much more of this!

Eagles @ Bills: Since the Philly club decided to oust Kevin Kolb from his starting position last season, all we have heard is the praises sung about Michael Vick. All of this offseason, the tune was about the “something or other team.” What we haven’t been hearing a lot of is the song that goes something like, “Matt Stafford is a higher ranked QB than Vick.” Yes folks, it’s true. Stafford is ranked 7th in the NFL, 1st in the 3rd year class (Buccaneers Josh Freeman and Jets Mark Sanchez follow respectively), and 4th in the NFC (Eli Manning is ranked 2nd…just for you Giants fans). Oh, I realize the Eagles have other weapons. But so do the Bills. The birds have 15 players listed on the injury report…15! The Eagles are being force fed a triple dose of humble pie and if you saw Vick’s reaction at last week’s postage presser, you know that he doesn’t like the taste. This predetermined Super Bowl winning team is lost and in disarray. Look for the birds to blow another lead and to be slammed in the face with the obvious, the Eagles season will continue to collapse. Bills win.

Chiefs @ Colts: Of the three worst offenses in the NFL, two of them are these basement dwellers. Both of these teams finished at the top of their conference last season. Collectively, they had 99 touchdowns. This year they have a combined 10 TDs. The loss of Peyton Manning is certainly not the end all for this Colts team. But it sure does seem to be the biggest concern. if you listen closely, you can almost hear Jim Irsay whispering to Jim Caldwell, “Throw every game. We’ll pick up a QB in the 1st round of the Draft next year.” The Chiefs have won ONE game which is indicative that they at least have the desire to win football games. Thus…Chiefs win.

Cardinals @ Vikings: The Cards put up some decent numbers against the Giants last week. But they just couldn’t get the job done. Beanie Wells had an outstanding day. However, Adrian Peterson is having an incredible year. He is the 3rd leading rusher in the league right now. Wells, of course, is not too far behind. This one is going to come down to defense. The Viks have the better rush defense. They are both relatively equal in the defending against the pass. The combination of the Viks rush D and their 12th man…Vikings win.

Seahawks @ Giants: Let’s see if I can put this into perspective for you guys. Seattle = the worst offense (32nd), 3rd worst offensive line (30th), and the 4th least scoring team in the NFL. They share the same record with another pack of bird brains (the 1-3 Eagles). These birds aren’t anything near close to a “dream team.” Last year the Gmen stormed Seattle at home handing them a 41-7 loss. This year, Seattle hasn’t won a single home game. Look for that trend to continue this week. Giants win.

Titans @ Steelers: This should be one hell of a game…or it could be really boring. Both teams are virtually equal in all areas. The Steelers have struggled against teams that they should have easily beaten, but did come out with the wins. They also got manhandled by the Ravens, whom the Titans blew out. Tennessee is on a 3 game winning streak and are undefeated at home. Titans win.

Saints @ Panthers: Cam Newton will play his first game against Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints. Newton has been putting up big numbers through week 4. But he hasn’t been able to find a way to put the game away. He definitely won’t be figuring it out this week, especially since he has thrown the same amount of interceptions as he has touchdowns. Saints win.

Bengals @ Jaguars: Jacksonville has defeated the Bengals 7 consecutive times at home. They lead the series 11-6. The Jaguars aren’t exactly playoff contenders at this point and probably won’t be any time soon. The Bengals aren’t much better. Even though the Bengals had a very good game last week, where three of their players made the weekly leaders list, look for Blaine Gabbert to show why he was a number one Draft pick this year. Also, look for MJD to put some big numbers on the board. Jags win.

Raiders @ Texans: Oakland have been a little hit and miss. They lost 2 out of the last 3 games against some legitimate contenders within their conference. One could argue that they won the games that they should have. With Houston, there is no argument. They have won the so called “trap games.” They will not have such an easy time of it, this week, at home. But they will get the job done. Texans win.

Buccaneers @ 49ers: We all cheered as SanFran shut the Eagles down in the second half, limiting them to ZERO points and putting up 3 touchdowns of their own. However, right now, Tampa Bay is the better more cohesive unit. Bucs win.

Chargers @ Broncos: NO explanation necessary. OK, here’s one. Broncos suck. Chargers win.

Jets @ Patriots: The good news for Jets fans, Nick Mangold will most likely get the start, according to Rex Ryan. The bad news, they have talent but not New England Patriots talent. Patriots win.

Packers @ Falcons: **See the Chargers vs. Broncos breakdown and replace “Broncos” with “Falcons”.** Packers win.

Bears @ Lions: A classic division rivalry! While ChiTown record shows mediocrity, they are never to be taken lightly. They can always give you a run for your money. The only problem this week is they are playing the Lions and you just can’t go against the Lions just yet. Chicago will not be the ones to issue Detroit their first loss. Lions win.

**Teams with a Bye this week: Dolphins, Ravens, Browns, Cowboys, Redskins and Rams.**

That’s it in a nutshell, folks. Don’t be bashful. I await your questions, comments, rants and raves! Who’s first?

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